Everyone is fed, bathed and fast asleep at the Colin household! The well known saying that there are not enough hours in a day now holds a whole new meaning for me. Especially when my days consist of being on the phone for multiple hours as I clear up miscommunication errors to ensure everyone is on the same page for Livy, multi-task and juggle all that needs taken care of around the house as well as care for Alivia. I am so so very exhausted and the journey is really about to begin in a whole new way.
Today Cincinnati received the approval from the insurance. Alivia's treatment WILL take place in Cincinnati. It's CONFIRMED, theres NO MORE doubt or worry. This is going to be OUR new home during this journey. Oh my goodness. This is what we've wanted and waited for, for the past few months and its all finally happening. For some reason my heart is feeling broken, so so sad, overwhelmed and extremely heavy. Meli overheard me on the phone tonight and asked "Mom did we get the treatment approved?" I hesitated as I processed once again that this sweet girl of mine is just way too smart! She too is also very observant and even more now as we all are on edge trying to enjoy our time together. Details mean everything to us now. I responded and said "Yes, we did! Isn't that awesome?", of course she scooped up her little sister and said "Livy guess what? It's almost time for you to get ready for treatment of your HLH" she then looked at me and said "you have some time right mom?" That's when I felt my heart shatter as my eyes filled with tears, I grabbed her hand and sat down with her and said "we have until next week Meli". Not sure exactly on the day (will find out dates tomorrow on 1/24), but sometime in 7 days Alivia will need to be in Cincinnati to get ready to fight this battle of many obstacles and hurdles. As Meli and I had an emotional few minutes talking about our feelings and hugging it out, Livy was instantly bopping up and down and smiling at us as she does when Oliver and or Meli get home each day. She's excited and wanted us to know so. Our little girl has a sparkle in her eyes, a smile that brightens any ones day and a little personality that is blooming into what one day will change the world one day at a time, we just need to kick HLH out of our life beforehand!
It's all a process. Just like life. Everything we do is a process. We've all been raised learning about patience and how its such a virtue. It really is when you find yourself in situations like this. I am so scared, incredibly nervous and just so sad about all of this. I cant keep track of time to save my life and just am so scatter brained as I try to remember what needs done next. I am going to miss so many "things" about my life now, but that has become irrelevant. I am going to miss my husband in every way imaginable, in a month we will celebrate 7 years of marriage and this summer 9 years of doing life together. I am going to miss my beautiful little girl that made me a mama for the 1st time. That little girl that can make all my worries go away with a little hug and a dose of her silliness. I am going to miss our daily routines and little ways of showing love to each other. I don't know how I am going to get through all of this with being so far away from both Oliver and Meli, and they don't either, but what I do know is our faith is strong and will continue to get even stronger as we get through each obstacle that awaits us. I just have to keep reminding myself so.
We will be staying at the "Hooten Hilton Resort" with a family friend of a family friend of ours about an hour away from Cincinnati for about 2 weeks as Alivia prepares to start Chemotherapy. She will then be admitted and Chemo will begin and take place for 2 weeks. Our lives will than change forever as she receives her Bone Marrow Transplant. It sounds so simple as if it were to go A to B to C, I will continue to hope and pray for that for Alivia's sake, although we've been warned about all the common risks and complications that may or may not come up. It will get ugly before it gets pretty by all means. I don't think I nor anyone can mentally, physically much less emotionally prepare for this, but I wont leave her side.
Please pray she continues to be brave until the end and never loses hope. That is one thing each family we've been connected to gives advice on, is to never lose hope! Please pray for us to find peace in the midst of all the sadness as we start this journey. Please pray for each and every one of us to have strength to tackle each day as if we wouldn't know any different as well as patience as we become accustomed to new environment's and routine's.
Saying thank you just doesn't seem like enough, but we are so beyond thankful for all of our family, friends, neighbors and community for all the support. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts! We sure are lucky to have you all in our toolbox as we get ready to set out on this journey.
Sending love to everyone!
XOXO,
CeeCee
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